Some time ago, the rabbi of my synagogue wrote in the monthly bulletin a letter about homosexuality, halacha (Jewish law), and the Jewish community. Halacha, he wrote, leaves no doubt: homosexuality is an abomination. But since Jewish values preclude us from ostracizing members of the community except for very special circumstances, we are confronted with a dilemma: we can not behave in hurtful ways toward gay fellow congregants.
This was an honest assessment, but couldn't have left anyone with much reassurance. It is compounded by the fact that every synagogue aims to be a gathering place for every Jewish member of the community. And while traditional Jews may consider the acts that tempt gay people sinful, the presence of the temptation should not deprive a gay Jew of the rights of belonging to a Jewish community.
In a somewhat fanciful but oddly logically coherent argument, some among the Orthodox say that since a) we all sin in one way or another, b) sleeping with members of the same sex is a sin, it must follow that we must forgive homosexuality as long as gay people feel bad about acting out their sexual impulses. In other words, you can be gay if you feel bad about it.
It gets more complicated by the fact that sexual abstinence is not, per se, a virtue in Judaism. And it isn't clear what a valid excuse is for staying unmarried.
Acceptance of gay marriage is not going to happen in remotely traditional Jewish communities, but that can be justified by pointing out that traditional Jewish marriages are restricted in several other ways as well.
A compassionate, inclusive Jewish community will face a vexing dilemma on this issue. Homosexuality can't be acknowledged as being ok, but homosexual people must be accepted as full members. They'd be right to ask what “acceptance” means if something as essential as their sexuality is, at best, ignored.
This isn't the only unbearable conflict between Jewish values. Mamzerim - the children resulting from taboo sexual relationships - are for all practical purposes rejected by their fellow Jews, innocently punished for the sins of their parents.
I'm not a rabbi, but there have to sources of leniency for these issues. For example, if we assume that we all are at least occasionally beset by illicit sexual impulses, couldn't one say that same-sex attraction is simply a variation? And couldn't one argue that of all sins, homosexual acts are lesser sins, replete with extenuating ciscumstances? And couldn't the whole idea of gay marriage be taken as companionship between two people, the specifics of which are none of our business? In other words, isn't there a way to nibble around the issue to the point that gay people no longer feel like stangers where they shouldn't? I don't know, but it seems important.
Sent wirelessly from my Blackberry.
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